There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize
