I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
