my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
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