this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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