I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Houston, we have a squirter
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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