You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
