carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
