How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
