apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
