shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
