were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
