Sry I called you an 8
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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