Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
