you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
