Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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