i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
