So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Four minutes until I can fart!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
