Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
