my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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