Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
