Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
