we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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