whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
