this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
