So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
