Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
