is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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