U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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