when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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