Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
