Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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