i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
