I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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