I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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