Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
