I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
