i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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