I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
