it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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