Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
