he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
