So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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