Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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