I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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