Small penises have feelings too.
he puts the penis in happiness.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
