We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
