my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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