After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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