he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
