Where is the hickey?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
