doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
