Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize